Q: An older couple is getting married. Is it rude that they have a registry?
A: Most couples I know who got married in their 50s or 60s didn’t feel comfortable creating a wedding registry, although their guests often wished they had. It’s hard to know what would be useful or cherished for a pair without a registry.
There is nothing wrong with an “older” couple creating a wedding registry. What is rude is when the couple mention gifts on their correspondence.
It’s tempting for couples to include something on the invitation like “Your presence is our present,” if the couple doesn’t want gifts. Don’t do it! It’s awkward and switches the focus from “Come celebrate with us,” to “They don’t want gifts. Should I buy one anyway?”
Make a wedding registry work in the least awkward way by creating a registry with some items you want or need and telling a few close and trusted friends. Let the conversation come up naturally, and spread by word of mouth.
Chicago Tribune Sports
— Cheryl Seidel, president and founder of registryfinder.com
A: I don't believe it's rude at all to have a registry at any age. Older couples are probably combining two households, and they have more stuff. The more specific they can be about what they want and need, the better. They'll receive gifts they actually like and can use. Who doesn't want that? I'm all for being direct and asking for what you want. Everyone benefits.
Having a registry is about being direct in your communication. It’s being clear about what you want in your home. Some people will still give you what you don’t want, but it gives people a guideline. People are afraid to assert themselves and say, “I really want this,” and I think we need to encourage people to be more direct.
Stop thinking about all of these social graces that don’t serve us anymore. It’s upsetting when women feel they have to be kind at all cost, especially when it’s at the risk of their own values. Ask for what you want; just be clear.
— Sandy Weiner, founder of lastfirstdate.com and thewomanofvalue.com
Twitter @christenadot_
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